Memories

Memories came flooding into my head and heart today of my coffee house, so did a TON of sadness. I am talking about the kind of sadness that makes your soul bleed into your chest cavity. That little coffeehouse was the one thing that brought me the greatest joy in my life. I keep trying to let go of it and still, 10 years later it haunts me in an unrelenting way....  if you were never in The Cybercat while it was open it would be hard to explain it to you, but it magically drew people into it and comforted them....people from all walks of life, old, young, gay, straight, artists, musicians, loggers, senators....nobodies and somebodies...all hanging together, listening to music over coffee, talking politics, sharing ideas.... no judgements, no hostility... it was a safe place to be in the sea of anger outside it's doors. I remain proud of the fact it was filled to the roof with unconditional love.

I still cry every time I think of it not being real anymore. It was a place that made me happy like no place before it or since. When it was murdered by the ignorance and city hall corruption that were and still are the life blood of Coos Bay Oregon, a BIG piece of my soul died with it. It's death was like watching one of my children die from some flesh eating cancer... and I cannot get past it no matter how hard I try. It's as if it is a score unsettled, and yet I know in my heart it is a wrongful death there is no resolution for. Life has been a struggle for me ever since it died, like a higher power has been telling me I failed to protect a special place entrusted to me and now I am being punished for failing to protect it. I just realized that I have been helping people die ever since it died....it seems oddly funny to think about it, but I help the people I care to find the one thing that has escaped me in my own loss. It's almost poetic on some weird level.

It was through the coffee house I discovered the music of Jesse Cook, his music was what filled the Cybercat most of the time when we didn't have a live improv of diggeridoo, drumming and guitar musicians going on, if you have never heard of him you can get an idea of the atmosphere that existed within the coffeehouse by listening to the music clips or watching the videos on his web page.      http://www.jessecook.com/
(click on main page to enter, then click music and in the upper right hand corner of the music page click audio. The video link holds wonderful videos). My favs are "Fall at your feet" , "Temptest" and "Mario takes a walk"
Playing a clip and closing my eyes, I can picture myself in the Cybercat on a saturday afternoon, surrounded by friends and strangers, I can smell the coffee and the cigarette smoke.. I can hear the laughter, I can even feel the sense of community that grew there against all odds and for a few minutes, I am submerged in remembering much happier times...