15 posts tagged “humor”
Tomme Fent posted a link to this video on the quiltart list, I just got around to checking it out, I could have used it a few days ago.... if you are a mom, a wife or a woman it is a MUST see....men will love it too though.... consider this your "no coffee or food in mouth" warning:
You know you want to bake one..... (picture tutorial at http://warehouse.carlh.com/article_076/index.php)
Happy Kill A Chocolate Bunny Day!
Grab some coffee and a tissue... place plastic over your keyboard
then click the following link
http://celobox.googlepages.com/god.html
Believe it or not I found this on the quiltart list,
I may owe Alan a smooch for this one
Cross posted from my livejournal
Proving once again twins are evil people.... ( a set a twins and one glass partition make for lots of fun in a public rest room)
I got this in email today, it explains why I count Maureen as a friend even though we have never met, we think alike:
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- just the stone cold truth of our friendship.
1 When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard (or bitch) who made you that way.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask ?, "Because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
Send this to "all 10" of your friends, then get depressed because you can only think of four!!! (don't send it back to me...I don't want to hear it!!!)
And remember....when life hands you Lemons, get some tequila and salt and call me
1. Kidnappers are truly not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you????
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes probably won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends... they can't remember them either
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can act outrageous and everyone just nods and smiles at you.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.( Well, you would if Vox would work right)
Forward this to every one you can remember.
I could have put up a sappy picture or poem, but this is more my style:
What Moms REALLY want for Mother's Day:
* To be able to eat a whole candy bar by themselves, and drink a glass of Coke without any "floaters".
* To have their children answer a single question without rolling her eyes in that "My mom is an idiot" kind of way.
* Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty....all to herself.
* A shower, without a child peeking through the curtain asking "hey
mom, do you think that water pouring out from under the kitchen sink a
bad sign?.
* A full-time cleaning person, ( male, about 28, built like a...well, you know).
* A drive in the car that does not require her to be an unpaid taxi driver to bickering children.
* A grocery store that doesn't have candy, gum, or cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.
* To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.
* A meal once in awhile that does not center around consuming cold food.
* Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison.
Some of it I found , some of it is altered to my life experience...
Have a great day everyone!
